I wanted to do this with my labor story but I've decided to do it before I even go into labor, because I wanted to write it while I am still the person I am right now. This is a person I won't ever get back or be again so I thought it would be nice to be able to go back and read the way my words fit together today versus how they will tomorrow after I am a mother.
I am 40 weeks and 2 days today. After all this time I promised myself I wouldn't allow them to induce me but I was wrong. I am so over being pregnant that at this point: I don't care! Seeing as how I am 2cm dilated and 70% effaced, my doctor thinks that the induction will go very smoothly. I fear that if I would have waited, it would have been in vain. My body feels ready but my precious baby girl is very cozy. I've had barely any signs of labor at all. Either way, I am stoked. I have to be at the hospital by 5:30AM to get an early start to labor and hopefully she will be here by the afternoon. Anyway, I wanted to give the story of my pregnancy and how I felt through everything.

So, I am against birth control. I hate it more than I hate most things. That might sound cliche but I don't feel comfortable with putting something inside of my body that throws off what nature intended my body to do. Hormonal birth control is the worst. When my mom found out I was sexually active with Joseph (the only man I've ever been sexual active with), she forced me to start taking birth control. For the first couple of months, I was on a roll and everything was great but my mom was paying $45 a month for the pills. Concerned about money, my mom wanted me to go to a cheaper birth control and that's when it all went down hill. The cheaper stuff literally destroyed me. It made me so sick but my mom couldn't afford the expensive stuff. So I just didn't take it, ever. No matter how long I took it, it made me sick every single day. It as not fun. But for a little under three years, Joseph and I prevented pregnancy. I used one of the best methods possible: knowing the date you ovulate! Which is super important to me and it really worked. My calender was on point with my period so I assumed it was on point with my ovulation date, too. Considering the day I conceived, it was. Knowing my ovulation date allowed Joseph and I to have more fun in the bedroom without getting pregnant. We didn't always use the pull out method! It was always based on my ovulation date. The day that I got pregnant, it was entirely Joseph's fault. (I apologize in advanced for the graphic nature of this but I just want everything out there, the entire story!) Joseph I guess timed himself wrong because when we were finished, he told me he may have "let go" a little inside of me. I immediately ran into the bathroom and I remember yelling, "I BETTER NOT GET PREGNANT, JOSEPH!" I knew I was ovulating that day. It's weird to me when I think back to that day.
March rolled around and I had carefully ignored the fact that I was suppose to get my period a week ago. My period was pretty regular but sometimes it liked to jump around a week late or a little early. I figured it was just changing or something. The day that I came home from work, I had eaten a bowl of chili from Steak n Shake (like I did every day after work) but as soon as I got home, I puked it all back up. Which was pretty strange to me because I never got sick. Even if something didn't agree with me, I still never got sick. I didn't stop getting sick after that day. I remember laying on the bed, touching my tummy and asking Joseph, "What if I am pregnant?" I had the worst case of denial in the world. There was NO way I was pregnant! We went to a friends house, it was her husband's birthday, and she was at the time around 7 months pregnant. I was talking to her about it and she told me she had a pregnancy test if I wanted it. At first, I wasn't so sure. I didn't want to take it. But I did anyway. I went into her bathroom and peed on that little stick. I waited. And waited. There was a dark pink line and a faint pink line. I was still in denial but the entire room shook. My vision blurred and everything was silent. I'm not sure how long I stood there. I finally found the strength to go tell her, but the first thing I said was my denial speaking. I told her about the faint line and she said her first test was exactly the same and the second came back with the full pink lines. She only had one test but after hearing that information, I could no longer wash myself in denial. I knew. My heart knew. My body knew. Now my mind knew. I was pregnant. I went outside where everyone was and I stood against the pole as everyone spoke. I was completely silent, fighting back the tears. Her husband's mom was looking at me; she knew. Nobody knew but she did. The look on my face probably said it all. I was scared shitless. All I could think about was how I was going to tell my mom. It didn't occur to me on how to tell Joseph or anyone else: just my mom. My mom always told me to not get pregnant young but that's exactly what I did. On the way home from our friends house, I told Joseph that I was pregnant. His reaction was bland and pretty much like: "Okay." It still didn't sink in right away. We focused mainly on getting out of where we were into somewhere proper to raise a child. I knew for two weeks before I finally came clean to my mom. We told Joseph's mom first. It went like this:
"So, we have something we wanna tell you." She looked at me and said, "YOU'RE PREGNANT?" and I nodded and told her yes. But she was still so surprised. She yelled, "REALLY?!" And started crying. She told us it was about time and was honestly the happiest. It took a long, long while for me to finally spit it out in front of my mom. My heart was beating so fast, hard; I felt sick. She was speaking about how she worries about my sister and my niece which I felt like was a opening. I said, "Well... you're going to have another grand baby to worry about." My mom cried because I cried and I told her how sorry I was. Little did I know, my mom was beyond supportive and is to this day. She has made me love her so much more than I already did, solely because I was convinced that I would not have her support like I do. I am very blessed. For my mother, my step-father, and my mother-in-law. I couldn't ask for better grandparents for my sweet baby girl.

Anyway, my pregnancy was hell but I can't complain like some women can. I had to quit working at Steak n Shake because of how unbelievably sick I was. I actually had to quit doing most things because of how agonizing it was. I had a hard time eating, showering, taking care of myself; I had a hard time every single day just getting by. It was torture. I wouldn't wish this type of sickness on my worst enemy. It was the worst thing in the world. After about 5 months of nothing but pure sickness, I picked up a job at a different Steak n Shake. However, they were very unpleasant and started scheduling me during my doctor appointments and ignoring my availability so I quit. My nausea disappeared around 7 months to where I only got sick here and there; it wasn't an every morning/day type thing. It was nice only throwing up every few days rather than every single day all day long. Despite how unbelievably sick I was, I had an easy pregnancy. I was extremely low risk, my baby girl always had a strong heartbeat, I never dealt with any problems or early labor. Everything was perfect besides the sickness. I had a full-term pregnancy and I dreamed about tomorrow for the passed 10 months! I'm so excited. I can't wait to walk into the hospital tomorrow. It's going to be extremely emotional and crazy; I am still unsure of how I am going to deal with everything but only time can tell. I pray for a easy and safe delivery.