Usually I am not so aggravated, but I feel needy this morning. I woke up with an attitude and tried to conceal it before it lead to Joseph and I fighting before his day at work. I was successful. He called me and told me that he has to work on Sunday 7am-11am. Which is the day of my baby shower. I mean, it doesn't start until 1pm but it still frustrates me. I don't know~ perhaps it's just hormones. I'm also still pretty pissed off about my sister leaving for North Carolina. Suppose ably, they aren't even moving back to North Carolina permanently. They are moving up there so that Billy can get his medical insurance with his job up there to cover for his diabetes medicine. They are leaving pretty much all their stuff down here and say they'll be back down her for good in about six months. In all honesty, I think they are being selfish. I mean~ my mom paid over four hundred dollars to help them move down here and paid for their visit down here when they came here for a week. They stayed for one week and now are getting someone else to pay the expenses to go back to North Carolina. However, now they are leaving all their stuff here so it's all going to be packed up and crowded in my mom's house for who-knows-how-long. All over some health insurance? Which I don't understand their logic because even if he gets medical insurance with his old job, he is going to lose it once he moves back down here and doesn't work for that company anymore. So what is their plan? You can get health insurance anywhere They are being so ignorant. Not only that but my mother's fiance put Billy's name out there and got him a pretty good landscaping job and he didn't even show up and now he moving so it made Mike (my mom's fiance) look sort of bad. Maybe I'm being bitter, but it seems pretty selfish to me. I would never put my mom or Mike in that type of situation.

Anyway, on a brighter note, my baby shower is just days away and I am so stoked. To have a whole day and party granted to me for the celebration of my sweet little girl? How extremely exciting. I'm stoked. My baby counter says there is only 99 days until her said due date. Which could be off by a few days but either way, the counter just keeps going down: a constant reminder that she is on her way. It's amazing and surreal to think about. I watch so many other mothers and I just feel so much love and appreciation for mothers and children. It's a feeling and a type of love I didn't have until I settled into my pregnancy. I haven't even met my daughter yet but the feelings you acquire once you become pregnant are feelings like you've never had before. They crazy and new and it kind of changes the way you see and think about everything. Every decision that I make, I can't help but to think about my daughter and how it will affect her now or in the future. It's crazy... It's like I'm living for myself but I'm living more for my daughter now. I love her in a way words could never, ever describe.
I have decided that I'm going to try my hardest to natural birth her. I am birthing without fear. I am not scared, at all. Actually, I'm excited. The pain, agony, none of that scares me one bit. I'm ready for it. Of course, I've never felt child birth so I am speaking out of ignorance but I am not afraid. Although natural birth is my goal, I still don't know how it's going to feel and I am in no way against an epidural. I guess we will have to see where my labor journey takes me. Either way, in the end I will have the most amazing gift anyone could ever give me.