It's easy to say that getting pregnant changed me for the better. I see things in a light that I would have never imagined them in. I have lost friends who played no important role in my life and I am continuing to weed out the people that mean nothing to me and hold no beneficial purpose in my life. I look at children and other mothers so much differently. I understand what people mean when they say that you won't understand until you become a mother yourself. I still have a vague understanding, simply because I have yet to meet my little girl but I have an open mind to it now. People who are not pregnant and do not have kids will never fully understand what it is like. I imagined and imagined when I wasn't pregnant, but when you actually are it's completely different. And it isn't a feeling that comes easily either. It comes more-so after the first few ultrasounds, the first kicks, hearing the heartbeat, and the hiccups too. I wonder a lot to myself how people who don't have kids can have such strong opinions on kid-related topics. How can you have such an opinion when you have no idea? That's like men who have opinions on abortion. It's quite ignorant. Maybe my way of thinking is ignorant...

My heart is open in a way nobody but other good mothers could comprehend. I feel a love that I didn't know existed. It's beyond anything I feel for Joseph or Owen or my mother. Despite that my love burns deep for all three of those beings, the feeling I feel towards my daughter differs. She is my creation, my everything. I am thirty-seven weeks pregnant and I want her to come as soon as possible. I pray she comes soon. I want her here so badly but I must be patient- I know this. I talked to my doctor and expressed my feelings for a natural birth but assured him I am not afraid of an epidural. I would just like to feel my babies skin as she slides from my body. I apologize if that's TMI but there isn't anything I want more. It's crazy to think... Just a few more weeks and she can finally be here.

I must relax, though. The stress I am under is extravagant.

With our cockroach problem being beyond horrendous, Joseph and I have decided we are breaking our lease and moving. We love our humble apartment at it's affordable rate and comfortable size, but after doing everything possible to rid of these horrible pests (aside from our home being tented which costs a few grand) and still no improvement, we cannot go on any further. So with a new baby on the horizon, we are also trying to move as well which as anyone knows, is not a stress-free process. It probably won't be anything finished before she is here but hopefully we can at least have the gears in motion. On top of the need to find a new home, Owen has no shown improvement. Well, I guess he has slightly. I took him to a new vet yesterday to have his anal glands expressed. The vet that I went to was simply because they didn't charge a vet visit fee to have his anal glands squeezed which turned a $60 visit into a $20. Well, I'm incredibly glad I took him there. The place was amazing and beyond friendly. The doctor was extremely concerned about Owen and genuinely cared. Which I don't know how it is with other places, but I've been to so many vets and none of them really seemed to... care. Our dogs were just more patients. You know? Not this doctor. She really cared. I talked to her about what Owen was going through and she called Dr. Hong's office to request his x-rays in which I brought her today. She said she was going to look them over and then give me a call. Either way, Owen is going to her from now on. Anyway, Owen's glands were extremely full and since having it done, it does seem he is a little bit more comfortable. He is still having issues walking and his tail still tucked between his legs, but he seems to be trying to walk a little more and definitely eating a lot better as well. I really hope we can figure out what is wrong and get him moving on the road to recovery.

A lot going on right now. I have to be super strong, I know this.